So I’m going back to school. I’m taking the Culinary Foundations Course 1 at Enderun.

By its name you can tell, that’s like Culinary Nursery School. Or Toddler school.

I figured if I wanna talk about food for the rest of my life, I have to know what all these food honchos know, right?

I’m going to learn how to use the stove, pots, pans and knives of all sizes.

I’m going to wear an apron (I’ve never worn an apron!).

I’m pretty sure I will cut myself along the way and embarrass myself a little (or a lot).

Maybe I’ll get over my fear of frying things.

And by the end of this course, I can chop a sack of onions so fast and not shed a tear.

The fine line between asphyxiation caused by allergic reaction and a great meal is defined by Benadryl.

Oh, what a great meal, all the sea creatures I’m not supposed to have:

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Guso? The waitress said it’s called Guso. (Gusso? Goso? Hmm.)

Eating squid is like eating biodegradable rubber bands. (But it’s gooood.)

My brother said that the freshness test for fish is to “look in their eyes”. I’m not sure if he meant before or after they’re grilled. Coz I can’t see this dude’s eyes.

“Seafood coma” and major burpfest followed immediately.

(Manna’s Sutokil – Punta Engano, Mactan)

Ok, I don’t wanna see pork+oil for the next month:

So I completely panicked for a bit that the whole of Cebu was out of lechon for two days: Rico’s, CNT, Alejo’s, Ayer’s… I called everyone but the pig farmer

Got to the airport on the third day and god bless Ayer’s soul for this glorious fatty beast. I really, truly feel sorry for that pig (and the legion of pigs during Sinulog week), but hey, that’s the price of popularity.

4 kilos and days after, I’ve called it F.O. with pork.

I’ll have steamed kangkong and a cup of steaming rice, please.

Honestly, there are many, many things I would rather do than bake. And if I would bake, I would like for my soon-to-be chef brother to be hangin’ around lest the oven turns into a fireplace, and the batter into cement-like paste.

But my little sisters seemed to know what they’re doing so I was more than happy to join in the stirring and folding of dry, flaky and sticky ingredients.

This is what goes on inside every tiny bite of a chocolate chip cookie:

That’s a helluva lot of butter.

Proportionally, a hell of a lot of sugar.

And eggs plenty enough to have yielded a bucketful of buffalo wings.

A disproportionate amount of flour and a delightful sprinkling of semi-sweet chocolate chips.

Yielding a charming, little Merry Christmas for my sisters’ friends.

And no, the oven didn’t explode.

Belated Merry Christmas and a super sweet new year! :D

Some thoughts on Squash:

1. Pinakbet DOES NOT have squash. If it does, it’s called diningding/diningdeng. I am really in no position to prove the veracity of that, but my lolo will argue to his wits’ end: Pinakbet SHOULD NOT have squash.

2. Squash vs. Pumpkin: Quelle est la difference?

3. My taste buds have perfect timing. Halloween = carved pumpkins = more pumpkin meat to eat. Except no one really carves pumpkins/squash here.

Friday special at Piquant, beef with Mashed Squash:

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I’m unsure if my little french question is gramatically correct and if that picture is really beef or lamb. But I’m sure–although it shocks me–Pinakbet  does not have squash. Because my lolo is always right.

I am now ready to hear your thoughts/violent reactions/comments on Squash.

On my birthday, I found a box (which, I would later on find out, was a keyboard box) sitting and waiting for me at the living room table. After sniffing, scrutinizing and investigating the source of the package, I opened it to find this:

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Shotgun Chef: Sophia Sabrina F. Elane

(I’m not posting the letter! Because there is such a thing as too much cheese)

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More bubble wrap and more suspicious contents.

Ten minutes and a heap of bubble wrap and newspaper later…

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…my dreams in a box: writing, New York, Audrey Hepburn and FOOD.

To the giver: needless to say, I love/adore it.

Before Nigella was the kitchen goddess and Ina, the Barefoot Contessa; before Emeril went Live! and before Hell became the Kitchen, there was Julia Child.

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Food + Nora Ephron + Meryl Streep = can’t wait to catch this.

“Maybe I should go to cooking school?”

FRO-YO: Post yoga snacks, pre-grocery bites. Isn’t she lovely?

Fro-YoAvailable at Hobbes and Landes. PhP 80 for the regular size. Plus 40 for the toppings. I got me mangoes, strawberries (hiding in all that saint-ful yogurt) and kiwi! Good Friday morning to me!

To cap off the Friday, I had another Fro-yo treat. Had Blueberry Morning, Strawberries and Almond Nuts for toppings. But that Fro-yo was gone before I could reach for the phone to take a shot. ;p

I just realized how much we sing about food, and the so many things food means to us politically, emotionally, socially, economically, shallow-ly, intellectually, philosophically………. etc.

My fave five:

1. Money for Food, Barbie Almalbis

“And you can’t sing all you like sing all you like ’cause people still need money for food”

I was a certified Barbie Almalbis fan, but decreasingly so, the longer she stayed in the music business. I’m not sure if this song was a foreshadowing of her music career’s unfortunate demise, but judging from what she said–that you can’t sing all you like ’cause people still need money for food–maybe even her Nescafe gig couldn’t give her ’nuff money for food. How I wish you never changed, Barbie. Then maybe you can still sing all you like.

2. Blame It, Jamie Foxx and T-Pain

Yes, alcohol can be categorized as “food” where I come from. And yes, where I come from, a lot of things can be blamed on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol: leaving your keys outside still stuck to the keyhole, reminiscing times that shouldn’t be reminisced and subsequently crying about them with longing, remorse, and anger all at once, drunk texting, drunk calling, allergic reactions, unsolicited confessions, and winning a round of card games.

3. Choux Pastry Heart, Corinne Bailey Rae

Broke my choux pastry heart, Guess life’s, no picture post card

I researched this one, because I like the song a lot. For a very yummy-sounding dessert. I haven’t had a choux pastry myself, but from what I’ve read–Choux pastry is the lightest, crispiest, airiest pastry, which can be used to make profiteroles, éclairs or savoury gougères–it sounds mouthwatering enough. And for such a sweet dessert, this is such a sad song about how vulnerable our hearts are, and perhaps, how reckless we are with others’ hearts, too. I’ve a feeling imma choke on my first choux pastry.

4. Funny the Way It Is, Dave Matthews Band

Funny the way it is, if you think about it. Somebody’s going hungry while someone else is eating out

It is funny the way it is. Heartbreaking too. Mom was telling me a couple of days ago that she insisted on bringing out our helpers for dinner with the family. It brought our new helper to tears of joy and a string of thank yous, because she had never, or at least couldn’t recall,  ever eating out. And I think about the last time I ate out. That was the other night and the night before that, and possibly the one before that too… and I realize I have taken that for granted. Judging too by the number of entries I have posted about eating out, which is really not too much for this blogosphere, but certainly a lot more than some people could ever imagine. When was the last time you went out? Or, when was the last time you went hungry?

5. Banana Pancakes, Jack Johnson

It’s just so easy when the whole world fits inside of your arms, no really need to pay attention to the alarm, wake up slow

Wake up slow. Reminds me of sunny weekend mornings in Salcedo Market, the smell of grilled fish, roasted calf, dumplings, the noise of happy kids running away from their parents to the slides, the smell of the midday, still-fresh sun. I think we’re meant to have only spare servings of slow mornings because they’re just best appreciated that way.

I’m sick yet again. I’ve tried poker and chicken soup, no effect whatsoever. So I’m turning to all things orange.

1. Fresh, fresh, fresh Del Monte Orange Juice!

I love, love, love, love orange juice! I was so delighted to see this in the grocery:

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A little pricey at PhP84 for the smallest bottle. But that’s just about the price I’d pay for 100% fresh. And I want to play with ‘em juicers. :)

2. Melons!

I love these too, freshly peeled, with milk, as a shake, dessert, breakfast, midday snacks or whatever. Going right into my grocery cart:

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Along with monthly supply of Appetite, champ-o-rado, leafy greens, pasta, gatorade, bananas and my favorite bread, Gardenia California Raisin :) Yumyum.

3. Berocca

My least favorite but prolly the most effective. All the Vitamin Orange you need in an effervescent pill (seriously, it’s yuck):

berocca inside the inside

(Who the heck said that health was pink?)

In the orange of health,

Shotgun Chef

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